Missing Dad

You know it's almost funny, in a sad sort of way, I am doing something that I suspect many people do when they lose a loved one, I am noting to myself, each time I do some certain somethings, that the last time I did this particular thing, my dad was still alive. Last night it happened while watching a new season of a TV show I like to watch. The thought intruded in my brain while the opening credits were running, the last time I watched this show, my dad was still alive. Now if you have been paying attention, you might ask, how am I watching a TV show since I don't have TV anymore... well I admit it, there are still a few TV shows I like to watch, though not many, I watch them online. My laptop and computer have become indispensable to me, not only for writing & sharing, communication (I don't have a phone, landline or cellphone), but also a big source of entertainment.

Death seems to create a permanent line in one's life, and especially when the death is still so fresh, so new, so raw, it marks a division of befores and afters. I felt this when my mother died, many many years ago, she was taken quite suddenly in a car accident, there were no goodbyes, there was no time to prepare, just one minute she was there, and the phone call later, she was gone. I spent probably a year doing the "last time I did/saw this, she was alive" thing. Eventually that sort of thing slowed down, though I am still reminded from time to time, especially around 9-11, she was still alive then, and each year when the media reminds us once again of what happened on that tragic day, I am reminded that when that happened, she was still with us.

I was very close to my mom, we were more like sisters than mother and daughter. When she passed, it was so hard, I suspect it was because of the suddenness of her death. I was pretty close to my dad, but not nearly as much as my mom. After her passing, I will say that my dad's stock went way up, we got closer and closer over the years. I relied on him for so many things, one of those was Bible knowledge, I knew that I could call him anytime and ask about a Bible verse or subject and he would be able to find it in short order. I could also ask him about lots of other things, he was really a vast pool of knowledge.

So now, I am beginning my post-dad journey in my life, and most days I am reminded that the last time I did or saw such and such, he was still alive. I know that this will go on for at least a year, slowing as time goes by. I noted to PB last night that this was the first summer/fall that he didn't come to visit, in fact, he would just be leaving about now. I will miss his visits, our frequent phone calls, him asking me if everything is going OK. Based on what he would ask about, his biggest worry about me seemed to be if I/we were eating OK, before his yearly visits he would ask me for a list of things I wanted or needed. He would always show up with a truckload of canned goods, dry goods, other foods, toilet paper and paper towels. In fact, I haven't had to buy toilet paper or paper towels since we moved off grid, he certainly was one for stocking up. We are still using what he has supplied, though that will eventually run out.

I am quite certain of where he is now, and I have faith that he will be waiting for me when it's my turn to leave this world.




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Wretha,

Thanks for visiting!

Another Trip, Now Home Again...

Just got back late last night, was gone for 2 days to Abilene with a friend who had a followup with a doctor (it was good news!)...

Got in some good shopping, did I mention I really don't like shopping? Yeah I know, I'm female, I just didn't get the shopping genes. My sister got the jewelry gene and the some of the shopping gene, I got the cooking gene and the off grid/pioneer gene. :) Although I will say that of her family, she was the one who jumped in whole heart and enjoyed herself in our primitive way when she would come out to visit.

I did go to one of my favorite stores, Drug Emporium, it's really a discount super store for vitamins and supplements as well as a fully stocked regular drug store and more. I wish they had one closer to me, even in Odessa would be nice, it's just a bit too far to go for now, but rest assured I will hit that store any time I have the opportunity to go out there.

They had moved everything around since the last time I had been in there, this time my friend and I had more time to look around, we went up and down each aisle in the vitamins and supplement sections. I had hoped to find one of those capsule machines (to make my own pill formulations) but they didn't carry those, they did have the empty capsules but I didn't buy those, probably should have but decided I'd buy some online at the same time I buy the Capsule Machine.

Those Capsule Machines are great, while I was in Ft Worth, my brother showed his Capsule Machine to me, he demonstrated it and it looked so easy to use, and the money saved by buying supplements in bulk powder form and filling your own capsules is sooooo much, it's unbelievable! And I know what is going into the capsules, no fillers or other chemicals. I'll be ordering one asap, I'll give a full review and maybe even make a video when I get it. I plan on getting Ginkgo Biloba, turmeric extract, citocholine, and a few others that I can't think of right now.

While in Abilene at the Drug Emporium, I purchased some B-12 sublingual drops, another friend of mine is about to start B-12 injections, it's amazing what can go wrong with your body if you are low on B-12. I also picked up a big bottle of castor oil for my skin. And some emu oil, mainly to use on my shoulder with DMSO. I have used it 2X now and it seems like it works pretty well, it at least takes some of the soreness and stiffness out of my shoulder. It did help me sleep better last night. The last 3-4 nights (before last night) I haven't used DMSO on my shoulder at all and I could sure tell it. I had some cream with emu oil in it, but I wanted some pure emu oil to use, I wasn't completely comfortable with the other ingredients in the cream, DMSO pulls these things right into your skin (if the molecule is small enough), so for me I wanted to get some pure emu oil so that I wouldn't have to worry about what else is in it.

That's it for now, I'll post more details on the Capsule Machine when I get it.



All written text from this blog are copyrighted and owned by Wretha unless otherwise stated. All rights reserved, You may download or copy for your own personal enjoyment, but please do not distribute without written permission. You may post a portion of this (or any) message from this blog on another site as long as you include a link back to this site and the original message.

Wretha,

Thanks for visiting!